Altitude (2010) review

ALTITUDE 2010

Jessica Lowndes (Sara), Landon Liboiron (Bruce), Julianna Guill (Mel), Ryan Donowho (Cory), Jake Weary (Sal)

Directed by Kaare Andrews

The Short Version: A group of overbearingly obnoxious teens fly the unfriendly skies to see a concert, but end up trapped in some sort of fifth dimension a la THE TWILIGHT ZONE where a gigantic tentacled beastie awaits them. Where have all the good movies gone? It's all confusing, uninvolving and centered around an embittered teen whose horror comic comes to life manifested through his fear. Viewers should try Priceline to get a better flight.


Sara, eager to fly solo after getting her aviation license, opts to fly her friends to a Coldplay rock concert, but runs into a nasty storm that seems to be pulling them ever skyward deeper into the encroaching black clouds. It soon becomes apparent that something not of this Earth is lurking above the clouds and drawing the plane closer to it.


Veering dangerously close to 'The Dis List', it's movies like this that reaffirm my lack of faith in modern horror. Either an over-reliance on fast cutting, a lack of a story, or absolutely no one among the cast to feel any kind of connection to. ALTITUDE falls into a couple of those categories. For whatever reason, horror movies today seem content on making EVERYONE in the cast among the most unlikable scum on the planet. The ones written to be even remotely pitiable, or worthy of sympathy are overpowered by the cartoonishly grim antagonists; their characters are lazily built out of the torment perpetrated on them as opposed to building them naturally. ALTITUDE is one such production.


The movie is an overlong 90 minutes bearing a script that would be far better suited to an anthology format than full length feature; It's AMAZING STORIES without one likable individual. The characters are so hateful and annoying, you're likely to either hit the fast forward button, or shut off the movie altogether. Towards the end, those who manage to maintain their concentration will find that the EC comics styled 'Weird Stories' one of the characters carries with him has manifested itself into reality and this dwindling group of young people assimilates what's on the four panel pages found in the comic book.


The ending is definitely of the TWILIGHT ZONE/AMAZING STORIES school of paying penance and being granted a second chance at life. It probably leans more towards the latter than the former as Serling's series was more often preoccupied with poetic justice (but not always). If you're familiar with TZ, portions of the film may recall the episodes 'Nightmare At 20,000 Feet' and 'Odyssey of Flight 33'. With the feel good ending, the late blooming monster angle and the overall gloomy atmosphere of the middle portion, it's an odd mixture that doesn't really gel well together. The score is quite good, though.


Some of the effects are nice to look at such as the black coal colored sky during the storm when the plane has been caught in some kind of supernatural grip by an otherworldy force. The bulk of the movie takes place in the single location, so that in itself will likely put some viewers off. The story is interesting, if only it had been populated by individuals the audience could get behind. Instead, we get arrogant and belligerent teen models for Abercrombie and Fitch shouting and intimidating one another. With so little to recommend it, you're likely to run into severe turbulence when gaining ALTITUDE.

This review is representative of the Anchor Bay DVD

The Dis List: Die-ner (Get It?) (2010) review

DIE-NER (GET IT?) 2010 Authors note: Better yet, DON'T get it!

Directed by Patrick Horvath

The Short Version: An atrociously anemic flesh eating zombie movie, this fitfully boring stiff is DOA from start to finish. It wants to be a hip, original take on the zombie mythos, but brings nothing new to the equation outside of a different location. It's like a bad sketch "comedy" stretched out to pseudo-feature length. Avoid this plague.

This horrendously stupid horr-ible movie has a serial murderer killing the cook and waitress of an out of the way diner then pretending to be the owner as he waits on customers that unwittingly happen into the establishment. Meanwhile, the killers victims return to life craving human flesh while an inexplicable contagion spreads outside.


I am perplexed as to the positive hoopla surrounding this puerile mess of a movie that sports at least three apparent "awards" on the front of the DVD box. Not only that, but the cover has the temerity to advertise this as "PULP FICTION meets ZOMBIELAND". There's nothing witty about the dialog, nor is there any "life" to the zombie sequences. That line is the most blatant case of false advertising I've seen all year. The DVD cover is as imaginative as this cinematic herpe sore is going to get. If NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD had been directed by Andy Milligan, or Ted V. Mikels, it would look something like this and likely with more imagination and even less money.

The acting is non existent, the comedy woefully unfunny and the effects fail to bring this stiff back from the dead. I will say the conversation between the killer and the couple was moderately humorous before it became obvious to them he didn't know a thing about running an eatery. Otherwise, I can't imagine how this vapidly egregious piece of amateur hour can be compared in the same light as far more accomplished pictures as RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, or anything by Romero for that matter. Easily the worst movie I've seen all year, DIE-NER (I DON'T GET IT).

This review is representative of the Osiris DVD