The Old Dark House (1932) review

THE OLD DARK HOUSE 1932

Boris Karloff (Morgan), Melvyn Douglas (Roger Penderel), Gloria Stuart (Margaret Waverton), Charles Laughton (Sir William Porterhouse), Lilian Bond (Gladys), Ernest Thesiger (Horace Femm), Raymond Massey (Phillip Waverton), Eva Moore (Rebecca Femm), Elspeth Dudgeon (Sir Roderick Femm), Brember Wills (Saul Femm)

Directed by James Wales

"This is an unlucky house. Two of my children died when they were 20. And then... other things happened... madness came! We are all touched with it a little, you see."

The Short Version: The architecture of James Wales classic spooker has been a blueprint for the dozens of old dark houses that followed in the ensuing years; although the silent THE CAT AND THE CANARY (1927) laid the foundation. The dark domicile itself is a mere backdrop to some of the kookiest kinfolk this side of the Addams Family. Karloff is top billed, but resigned to a supporting role as a hulking, mute butler who may or may not have "did it". He's not the only madman in this house of horrors, though. A group of five weary travelers do not enjoy a night of rest and relaxation in this Old Dark House.

Lost in a nasty rainstorm, a clutch of travelers stumble upon an isolated mansion. Living inside this gloomy estate are the eccentric Femm family and their brutish mute servant, Morgan. As the night progresses, and the storm rages, the five guests discover a number of terrifying secrets locked away within the Femm household.

There had been similar movie before it, but THE OLD DARK HOUSE from 1932 is arguably the benchmark for the dozens of like-minded movies that ensnared weather-beaten travelers over the decades. If you've seen Wales' other horrors he helmed around this time -- FRANKENSTEIN (1931), THE INVISIBLE MAN (1933), BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1935) -- then you're in for a ghoulish treat here.

For a film of this vintage, there's a remarkable degree of tension retained all these years later. As usual with Pre-Code horror films, the visual design is of a standard that seemed to evaporate several years later. Arthur Edeson's photography is just as eerily foreboding as his work on FRANKENSTEIN and THE INVISIBLE MAN. The lighting (and lack thereof) creates the perfect mood -- heavily accentuated by a sonic assault of deafening thunder and howling wind. Additionally, the use of shadows are integral to the macabre aesthetics dominating the entirety of Wales' 72 minute spook show.

There's a thick air of sexuality and sardonic humor running through THE OLD DARK HOUSE. This being a Hollywood Pre-Code movie (before censorship was officially enforced), there are some questionable lines of dialog, and shots in the film -- some of which were removed from the picture when it was re-issued in 1939. When the first three visitors enter the Femm's moldy mansion, Rebecca Femm repeatedly spouts off that they "can't have beds"; and takes an immediate dislike to Margaret's (Gloria Stuart) beauty and slinky clothing after delivering an unsettling monologue about lust and sin in her house.

At a later point in the picture, Mad Man Morgan the butler (Karloff) gets a little too much Captain in him and tries to assault Margaret. Close ups of his face and palpitating lips hint at the possible rape attempt running through his mind.

Based on a novel by J.B. Priestley, THE OLD DARK HOUSE further benefits from a sterling script that's generously peppered with witty lines of dialog (both blackly and comically so), and a fine cast with which to deliver them. Thesiger's utterance and inflection of "Have a poe-tay-toe" sticks in the mind as each line meticulously reveals the murderous nature of the denizens of the Femm's morbid mansion; the way they move, the way their facial features maneuver and contort reveal a deliciously diabolical underpinning of evil. Wales movie oftentimes feels like it's parodying genre conventions despite it being in its infancy. This is especially true during the last few minutes.

The film has no musical score (save for the opening and ending credits), but the bombardment by the near nonstop thunderstorm, clashing lightning and rain provide just the right melody for your listening enjoyment. Further complimenting this sepulchral package are the gaggle of ghoulish characters.

Boris Karloff is top billed, but he's more of a supporting player. Still, his makeup heavy character, the mute "monster" Morgan the butler, is akin to the lumbering menace of his Frankenstein monster as seen in the 1931 classic. Reportedly, Karloff's look (courtesy of the usual arcane brilliance of Jack Pierce) inspired Charles Addams' butler from his Addams Family cartoons. Karloff is exceptional as the hulking servant; and he reinforces the old saying that "the butler did it". Of course, you have to see the movie to know whether he's going to "do it", or not.

Looking all skeletal and zombie-like is Ernest Thesiger, the memorable Dr. Pretorius from the classic BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1935). Thesiger is delightfully kookish, as is his off-kilter sister Rebecca, who frequently warns of bad things to come; and in this house, bad things are assured.

It wouldn't be an 'old dark house' movie without locked doors, musty hallways, and hidden passages. One of these locked rooms houses the elder Femm patriarch (played by a woman), the cackling Sir Roderick. The makeup for Roderick is arguably the most effectively hideous appliance from Pierce's varied work here. The way the 102 year old madman moves his mouth, the unkempt hair, and his unnerving cackle is a perfectly grotesque image.

Lastly there's Saul Femm -- whom we hear about off and on via repartee between Horace and his sister; another mad, and murderous member of this bizarre family. He's not revealed till the last ten minutes, but when he is, his appearance is anything but threatening -- at first glance. The actor playing him moves in an almost unnatural way; this is aided by facial movements that alert the viewer that something is not at all right in Saul's head. What comes next is the personification of goosebumpery.

Unspooling almost exclusively from a single locale, the staginess of THE OLD DARK HOUSE (1932) is one of its best qualities. It's never boring -- the extremely quirky characters residing within the title abode will not allow it. Coupled with so many classic trappings of later, similar movies, Wales delivers a knockout tale of terror perfect for a dark and stormy evenings worth of entertainment.

This review is representative of the Kino Video DVD.

Inseminoid (1981) review

INSEMINOID 1981 aka HORROR PLANET

Judy Geeson (Sandy), Robin Clarke (Mark), Stephanie Beacham (Kate), Jennifer Ashley (Holly), Stephen Grives (Gary), Barry Houghton (Karl), Rosalind Lloyd (Gail), Victoria Tennant (Barbra), Trevor Thomas (Mitch), Heather Wright (Sharon), David Baxt (Ricky), Dominic Jephcott (Dean)

Directed by Norman J. Warren

The Short Version: In space, no one can hear you scream what a horrible movie this is. This 1981 alien-slasher space junk was one of a small stack of ALIEN impersonators that burst on the scene in the 80s; and it's one of the worst. In its favor there are some nice photographic touches that put a shine on the cardboard sets and vapid art decor. Judy Geeson is better than the film deserves and Stephanie Beacham looks fabulous in her handful of scenes. The rubbery aliens look like renegade muppets and are thoroughly non-threatening alongside the 'blood n' guts in a bucket' special effects. Blandness from outer space.

An archeological expedition on a distant planet uncovers a vast tomb of some ancient alien civilization. Littered with peculiar crystal-like structures, those who are exposed to the strange rocks become violent. Upon further exploration, something is alive inside the excavation. Kidnapping one of the female crew members, the creature impregnates her resulting in the lady astronaut nurturing the alien babies growing inside her by becoming cannibalistic and killing off her team mates one by one. 

After STAR WARS made a huge impression on moviegoers and moviemaking in general, it wasn't long before outer space spookers were to invade theaters. Ridley Scott's ALIEN (1979) proved that SciFi horror could be just as terrifying as horror of the Earth-bound sort. There had been similar movies in the past, such as Bava's PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES (1965) and the film Scott freely cribbed from, IT! THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE (1958). ALIEN was the benchmark for modern science fiction-horror of the time period. Unfortunately, for every one great genre entry, there's a handful of crummy ones. INSEMINOID is in the latter camp.

A British film from Norman J. Warren (director of ALIEN PREY [1978] and his only worthwhile movie, SATAN'S SLAVE [1976]) co-financed by Shaw Brothers of HK, the budget was fairly low at around 1 million pounds (roughly 2 million in US dollars at the time); but seeing the film, you'd swear they only had a few hundred to throw around. It's one of the single most impoverished looking SciFi movie I've ever seen. It's even more damaging when compared to New World ALIENesque movies of the same time as GALAXY OF TERROR (1981) and FORBIDDEN WORLD (1982). Roger Corman turned out far more impressive results with egg crates and McDonald's boxes; not to mention spending approximately the same amount of money. 

The sets look to be made of the flimsiest of cardboard, or  balsa wood that would collapse if you leaned against them too hard. In fact, towards the end, Sandy wrecks the "control room", overturning all the panels. As they tumble over they fall apart and there's nothing inside! Some of the weaponry appears to be made of plastic; and the fluorescent bulbs, chimney pipe liners, metal gratings, and aluminum foil scattered throughout several feet of Chislehurst Caves is about as futuristic as it gets. The bankrupted budget reaches its nadir during the closing minutes when two gun-toting mercs from a rescue ship are seen wearing motorcycle helmets as part of their spacesuit ensemble!

The aliens -- when you finally see them -- look like hairless rejects from The Muppet Show and are about as scary as an ingrown toenail. Script writer Nick Maley was the effects artist here, and aside from this awful mess, has worked on much bigger science fiction/fantasy fare from the same time period including SUPERMAN (1978), THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1981) and KRULL (1983). Continuing with his work on Warren's outer space cheapie, there are brief shots of an aforementioned bigger creature, but it's only seen from the shoulders up. A novel touch was giving it a gigantic cock that looks like nothing more than a transparent tube! When the film isn't depressing the viewer with its emaciated production values, the characters do incredibly stupid things as written in Nick and Gloria Maley's nonsensical script.

An example of this is when a crew member gets her foot caught in a metal plate. With the temperature dropping near a hundred below zero, and the door leading outside jammed for some unexplained reason, her friends watch as she severs her own foot with a chainsaw, but dies anyways. Apparently cutting through the damn boot didn't cross her mind; nor does simply standing up to try and wiggle her leg free. Her "thermal unit" gets damaged, and she's instructed to reconnect two wires but can't do it. Why the gadgetry that regulates your body temperature would be worn like (and look like) a wrist watch is another of this movies examples of the wonders of techno-advancement.

Warren's movie has often been described as being overly gory and offensive; yet it's an instance of the films violence being grossly over-hyped as opposed to simply being gross. The title of the movie is arguably the most shocking thing about it. It was released here under the more generic title of HORROR PLANET. The fleeting gore is squishy and moderately effective, but you mostly see only the aftermath. With very little action (that's never convincing), infrequent flashes of sleaze, and a muddled script, that leaves only the performers to salvage this fiasco.

Judy Geeson gives her all (maybe a little too much, actually) in a role that's not without interest, it's just a shame her part is written for such a lousy movie. Her rape scene is mildly unsettling, but nowhere near the spectacular tastelessness of the one from Corman's GALAXY OF TERROR wherein Taffee O'Connell is raped by a giant maggot. Geeson got far better genre material in Eugenio Martin's A CANDLE FOR THE DEVIL (1973). The rape itself is mostly implied. The upper half of the alien we're allowed to see (obscured in darkness, mind you) just sits there; and the see-through tube that's supposedly the creatures giant phallus acts as a highway for the flood of egg yolk floating in a thick red plasma.

With no money available (really, where did it go?) for actual monster action, the writers devise an intriguing idea to get around this -- but the entire film is so lackadaisical, it ends up about as exciting as watching a turtle cross the street; and it's a shame as it's the only part of this movie that has any potential. Alternately, William Malone's far superior CREATURE (aka TITAN FIND) from 1985 used a similar idea regarding an alien controlling the bodies of humans, but didn't shy away from showing us a monster -- and a well designed one, at that.

After Sandy's (Geeson) impregnation, she goes through a mental, and physiological change -- a possession of sorts. She flits in and out of her natural self in a futile attempt to maintain her human side. The alien seed planted inside her forces her to cannibalize her colleagues to feed the twin monstrosities she gives birth to during the finale. It's an intriguing idea, but feels like it's been written into the script on purpose to keep from spending money on a monster suit. INSEMINOID ends up being more of an 'alien slasher' movie than an out and out 'monster in the dark' type picture. Geeson runs around this underground working station screaming, crying, and bulging out her eyes when she's about to chow down on some innards. She's also supposed to have superhuman strength yet she needs tools to get into locked boxes to retrieve these little plastic toy balls that masquerade as explosives. 

Those who remember her from DRACULA AD 1972 (1972), may want to torture themselves with INSEMINOID just to see the gorgeous Stephanie Beacham in what little screen time she's given. At one point, she's seen in her panties and a tank-top; so the film isn't a total waste of time. Sadly, a potential end battle between Beacham and Geeson never occurs, but the two do briefly tussle towards the conclusion.

John Scott has an eclectic mix of scores on his resume with some jubilant, rousing soundtracks. Sadly, INSEMINOID is not one of them. His electronic score has no memorable cues, and never manages to build any suspense to compensate for the outright lethargy viewers are exposed to.

Amazingly, some critics have deemed it necessary to apply academic posturing when discussing this borefest in a vain effort to find some underlying meaning to it all. INSEMINOID is little more than a terrible movie with a good idea or two that passes out quickly from an anemic script and budget. Possibly if Warren had some of New World's technicians working on his movie, it would have actually delivered some genuinely trashy thrills. If anything, the numerous negatives of INSEMINOID make equally low budget efforts like GALAXY OF TERROR (1981) and CREATURE (1985) look like big studio productions by comparison. Watch those instead and steer clear of HORROR-ible PLANET.

This review is representative of the Elite Entertainment DVD.