Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Dis List: Die-ner (Get It?) (2010) review

DIE-NER (GET IT?) 2010 Authors note: Better yet, DON'T get it!

Directed by Patrick Horvath

The Short Version: An atrociously anemic flesh eating zombie movie, this fitfully boring stiff is DOA from start to finish. It wants to be a hip, original take on the zombie mythos, but brings nothing new to the equation outside of a different location. It's like a bad sketch "comedy" stretched out to pseudo-feature length. Avoid this plague.

This horrendously stupid horr-ible movie has a serial murderer killing the cook and waitress of an out of the way diner then pretending to be the owner as he waits on customers that unwittingly happen into the establishment. Meanwhile, the killers victims return to life craving human flesh while an inexplicable contagion spreads outside.

I am perplexed as to the positive hoopla surrounding this puerile mess of a movie that sports at least three apparent "awards" on the front of the DVD box. Not only that, but the cover has the temerity to advertise this as "PULP FICTION meets ZOMBIELAND". There's nothing witty about the dialog, nor is there any "life" to the zombie sequences. That line is the most blatant case of false advertising I've seen all year. The DVD cover is as imaginative as this cinematic herpe sore is going to get. If NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD had been directed by Andy Milligan, or Ted V. Mikels, it would look something like this and likely with more imagination and even less money.

The acting is non existent, the comedy woefully unfunny and the effects fail to bring this stiff back from the dead. I will say the conversation between the killer and the couple was moderately humorous before it became obvious to them he didn't know a thing about running an eatery. Otherwise, I can't imagine how this vapidly egregious piece of amateur hour can be compared in the same light as far more accomplished pictures as RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, or anything by Romero for that matter. Easily the worst movie I've seen all year, DIE-NER (I DON'T GET IT).

This review is representative of the Osiris DVD

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