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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Dis List: Die-ner (Get It?) (2010) review

DIE-NER (GET IT?) 2010 Authors note: Better yet, DON'T get it!

Directed by Patrick Horvath

The Short Version: An atrociously anemic flesh eating zombie movie, this fitfully boring stiff is DOA from start to finish. It wants to be a hip, original take on the zombie mythos, but brings nothing new to the equation outside of a different location. It's like a bad sketch "comedy" stretched out to pseudo-feature length. Avoid this plague.

This horrendously stupid horr-ible movie has a serial murderer killing the cook and waitress of an out of the way diner then pretending to be the owner as he waits on customers that unwittingly happen into the establishment. Meanwhile, the killers victims return to life craving human flesh while an inexplicable contagion spreads outside.

I am perplexed as to the positive hoopla surrounding this puerile mess of a movie that sports at least three apparent "awards" on the front of the DVD box. Not only that, but the cover has the temerity to advertise this as "PULP FICTION meets ZOMBIELAND". There's nothing witty about the dialog, nor is there any "life" to the zombie sequences. That line is the most blatant case of false advertising I've seen all year. The DVD cover is as imaginative as this cinematic herpe sore is going to get. If NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD had been directed by Andy Milligan, or Ted V. Mikels, it would look something like this and likely with more imagination and even less money.

The acting is non existent, the comedy woefully unfunny and the effects fail to bring this stiff back from the dead. I will say the conversation between the killer and the couple was moderately humorous before it became obvious to them he didn't know a thing about running an eatery. Otherwise, I can't imagine how this vapidly egregious piece of amateur hour can be compared in the same light as far more accomplished pictures as RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, or anything by Romero for that matter. Easily the worst movie I've seen all year, DIE-NER (I DON'T GET IT).

This review is representative of the Osiris DVD


Fang Shih-yu said...

Pretty desperate when they make the title a bad pun AND a bad joke, also that blurb nonsense of "Pulp Fiction meets Zombieland"!

This is another reminder of why I gave up on modern horror flicks after the first wave of "Freddie Krueger" movies!

venoms5 said...

Well, DIE-NER is good for one thing. It's so pathetic that you're likely to get up and do things that need to be done around the house till it's over with.

Fang Shih-yu said...

Wow, it's not even a mere "movie to look at while folding laundry"!

Threatening to show this to Jimmy Carter would get more houses built for Habitats for Humanity that much quicker!

venoms5 said...

Nah, you'll end up focusing totally on the laundry, Fang. This one wasn't even worth the $2.75 rental for me.

A.D. said...

Wow, so that's actually the name of the movie? When I first saw a review of this pop up on Enter the Man Cave, I thought Geof was just trying to be funny by posting the "(Get It?)" part. I don't know about you Brian, but I've been done with zombie movies for a while now. It seems like every aspiring horror filmmaker wants to make one, and thus the market is becoming flooded with them. Piss poor ones at that.

venoms5 said...

Yeah, that's actually the title and I 'got it' and wish I could get my $2.75 back, or a credit on a rental for a better movie. I'm amazed at any positive notices for this, which was my sole reason for checking it out.

Two of the words in your last sentence perfectly sum up this thing, Aaron--'Piss' and 'Poor'. I'm pretty much done with zombie movies, too, save for Romero's movies even though a lot of people hate his new ones, but at least they're competent and resemble actual movies.

A.D. said...

Yeah I've softened up on Romero after the movie marathon I had of his films the other month and I'll support whatever he does, no matter if he's supposedly "lost his touch". Otherwise, I could care less about zombie movies. I haven't seen ZOMBIELAND and I'm not even excited in the least bit to see THE HORDE despite my love for French horror.

venoms5 said...

I didn't really think ZOMBIELAND was all that humorous. It was funny in a few spots, but I didn't see what the big deal was. I did like it, though.

I think I've seen a poster or DVD cover for THE HORDE. I don't know anything about it yet.

Carl Manes said...

I actually thought the same exact thing as Aaron, I had no idea that was actually part of the title. Weak. My biggest weakness is watching any movie that has such conflicting opinions in both directions, so shit man, you have sold me on this one. I am going to have to grab it to see which camp I fall in now, so you will have to do the same and watch THE COLLECTOR so we can compare notes.

venoms5 said...

I reviewed THE COLLECTOR back in April, Carl. You also commented on it as you hadn't seen it yet, lol!

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