Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Cool Ass Cinema Presents: A Screenplay Not By Quentin Tarantino Part 2


CHAPTER 3: EXCUSE ME, DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND THE DEAD NIGGER STORAGE?

"...All of a sudden, Quentin decided he wanted the full credit on PULP FICTION--he's really into full authorship. I said, 'No, I won't give up the script credit.' But I needed money...He said, 'I'll give you that money now, if you sign this paper.' And I did."--Roger Avary talking about financial woes in trying to finish KILLING ZOE (1994) and sacrificing his original script and co-writing credit to Tarantino to solve them.



PULP FICTION was also the movie where Our Man Quent' and his way with word came under staunch scrutiny for his use of foul language and his burgeoning usage of the 'taboo for whites' word, 'nigger'.

His scripts were frequently praised for their unusually random qualities and melodic writing style, but for every Seinfeldian convo about French fast food you have a dozen or so meaningless 'nigga' this, 'nigga' that, or the word 'muthafucka' five times per sentence. Aside from former 'fuck' movie champion, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985), I think the Q King is the reigning title holder of profound profanity postulations.



"I don't need you to tell me how fuckin' good my coffee is, okay? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is."--That's a line of dialog spoken by Q acting as Jimmie from PULP FICTION during 'The Bonnie Situation' segment. This line is actually code for something else. This is what Q was REEEAAALLLYYY saying: "I don't need you to tell me how fuckin' good my writing is, okay? I'm the one who writes it. I know how good it is."

 This is also where Jimmie asks Jules and Vinnie if they saw a sign that said Dead Nigger Storage before pulling up in his driveway as they arrived with the brain splattered remains of Marvin lying in the back seat.

If I'm not mistaken I'd say this was the first time the word had been used so profusely since the 1970s; during a time when such films would air on television, have expletives censored, but no problem with the N word getting a pass.


Tarantino seems to have a field day with the word whether it ends up in one of his movies, or out in public (reportedly he elucidated this colorful word to a NYC waitress some years ago). He seems to simply like throwing it around, most likely because he knows it annoys people. And annoy some folks he did with his next movie when he had some of his cast rabidly speaketh this epithet in JACKIE BROWN in 1997. With his upcoming slavery flick DJANGO UNCHAINED, it remains to be seen just how creative QT gets with this oft repeated addition to his vocabulary.

Personally, I don't think he uses this word because it makes sense in the context of his scripts, or necessarily that of the characters he has concocted, I think he does it because it sounds KOOL. He's probably the only director in Hollywood who could get away with just about anything because we've been programmed to believe it's good because his name is on the credits. Let's face it, everything QT does, it's because he thinks it's KOOL. Let's be reasonable, the man could shoot an entire movie built around close ups of female feet accompanied by a rambl-icious narration from Morgan Freeman and the critics would herald it cutting edge and T Bone's new breakthrough.


Since the N word was frequently tossed around in 70s movies, and T-Bone is a devout worshipper at the altar of 70s sinema, it only makes sense his movies would reflect that; not to mention his scripts (both the ones he wrote and the ones he pushed someone into signing over to him) are built around a patchwork quilt of assorted scenes from any number of big Hollywood flicks, or Drive In/42nd Street trash that played, or co-billed with other similar fare throughout that decade. Still, I can't help but feel his fervent use of 'nigger' is little more than Vocabularic Exploitation.


After the wild success of PULP FICTION, the Summer of QT Love was officially in full swing and was only gonna get worse and spread like a venereal disease at Woodstock by the early years of the new millennium. Before that, there was one more crime flick left in him and it was one that would bring him even more critical acclaim, if slightly less US box office appeal. And it's the only film I think he's done that's brimming with originality and focus as opposed to some immature problem child you keep having to make stand in the corner.

CHAPTER 4: FOXY JACKIE BROWN LIKES QUENTIN'S COFFY, TOO

 The jaws of QT were flappin' wackily in the wind during the making and promotional jaunts of JACKIE BROWN (1997), a picture where he proudly boasted of bringing back the careers of Pam Grier and Robert Forster. It wasn't like they weren't making movies, just not necessarily mainstream ones. It wasn't unusual to see either star on a TV show, or on the video store shelf in some new DTV release. This was just more masturbational ego stroking that would grow and throb eventually exploding in a volcanic miasma of celluloid jism. Sadly, post JACKIE BROWN, QT failed to pull out in time and fathered some mongoloid movies of his own.

Q also stated this was his ode to blaxploitation flicks, despite it never really feeling like one; at least not in the traditional 70s sense of the word. Nor does JACKIE BROWN resort to the extreme violence of those movies. Hell, the cast o' crackas' in this thing defies its blax flick origins. It does frequently indulge in the ferociously un-PC language those films lovingly wallowed in. That Q took blaxploitation conventions and made them into his own vision was arguably the only time in his career post JB where he doesn't go apeshit with referencing other movies in the most mentally handicapped way imaginable.


The great Quen-tazmo worked his magic and helped get an Oscar nod for Forster and Golden Globe noms for both Grier and Jackson.

Incidentally, it did put them back in the public eye, but it wasn't like they were sitting at home waiting desperately for a phone call from their agent.


We all know how Q likes to take credit for reviving an allegedly dead career, but they were working the entire time. It's motion picture class warfare. A lot of folks will make derogatory remarks because so and so was relegated to B pictures as opposed to big scale Hollywood B pictures. "Oh, you make THOSE movie?!" Furthermore, I have no explanation for Forster's involvement in DRAGON WARS (2007). A lot of actors often claim their reason for appearing in foreign films was because they'd "never been there, but always wanted to go."

What was so goddamn scenic about Korea that Forster felt the need to appear in this horrendous movie whose only points of interest are some Cool Ass Creature Attack sequences?

"I've always liked afros--if I were black, I'd wear an afro..."


 Anyway, so Q came through again, but it was here where he really began to grate on my nerves. If he wasn't stirring the ire of Spike Lee in regards to T-Bone's free flying use of the N word, he was showing his African American roots on talk shows while promoting JACKIE BROWN.

Suddenly, his verbage involved a lot of "know what I'm sayin'"s and waving his hands around before said appendages were magnetically drawn to his crotch.

Once the hoopla of the film had passed, the QTmeister miraculously was his old self-centered self once more. But his drunk and disorderly behavior would pretty much re-surface every time a new flick of his was in the making.


CHAPTER 5: PULP GODZILLA

"I have an idea for a Godzilla movie that I've always wanted to do. The whole idea of Godzilla's role in Tokyo, where he's always battling these other monsters, saving humanity time and again- wouldn't Godzilla become God? It would be called "Living Under the Rule of Godzilla". This is what society is like when a big fucking green lizard rules your world."--Tarantino makes a threat that he may ruin the Godzilla series further beyond the damage Ryuhei Kitamura did in 2004.


Over the years, Q Man has talked about his desire to make certain types of movies, including a Godzilla film. Thankfully, Toho had enough sense to whip out their bud nippers on this idea since Quentin T-Bone Thunderbolt envisioned the Big G as God of all things; likely something akin to the stone monstrosity of DAIMAJIN (1966), only with long, drawn out round table conversations about lesser known Japana-ploitation movies while Tokyo falls apart around the characters. However, the Toho execs ultimately failed to keep those bud nippers handy and suffered a brain-eurism when they gave slop artist Ryuhei Kitamura the keys to the kaiju kingdom for GODZILLA FINAL WARS.

Speaking of QT doing the Big G, can you imagine what such a movie would look like? Most likely the script would be too enormous to be contained in a single feature so it would be about 4 hours long and split into two halves. Naturally, the first half would contain all the monster action. Of course it would suspiciously focus more attention on a woman's vendetta against an elite faction of the Yakuza who prayed Godzilla into existence in an effort to topple Japan's thriving economic system; it heavily rebounding despite numerous natural disasters.

What's the reason behind this Yakuza factions desire to annihilate their own countries economic vibrancy? What's the reason behind this lone female assassins vendetta? Well that's where part two comes in. Yes. Lots and lots of lip flapping accentuated by cues lifted randomly from all manner of sources. A couple of jive talkin' Japanese hitmen named Fukasaku and Honda, a trip to an island allegedly ravaged by Godzilla and inhabited only by the "MALFORMED MEN" aka the Ainu people and at least two gratuitous close ups of Nipponese female feet.


There will be very little monster action and far more monster pontification. However, the ending would have both the Yakuza gang and the lone lady assassin suddenly transforming into Tokusatsu characters for no apparent reason other than it looks KOOL. Also, T Bone will claim he's going to make Meiko Kaji and Etsuko Shihomi stars and give them nothing to do all at the same time. Naturally this garbage would bomb, critics would no doubt fawn all over it and Q Baby would go national stating how proud of his B movie bomb he is, because nobody puts Q Baby in a corner.

Which brings us to the film T Bone did make that slightly resembles that made up shit above. This is also where my feelings and opinion of Quentin Tarantino greatly changed.

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART MUTHAFUCKIN' THREE...

Monday, June 18, 2012

Cool Ass Cinema Presents: A Screenplay Not By Quentin Tarantino Part 1


THE KING OF WHAT? PULP?! THE SOFT, PULVERIZED VEGETABLE-LIKE MATTER?!

"I steal from everything. Great artists steal, they don't do homages. It's a great movie [CITY ON FIRE]. I steal from every single movie ever made."--Well, with that statement, he's shown himself to be incredibly arrogant and admitted he's a thief. At least he's honest... delusional, but honest.


Let's face it, Q Baby is the muthafuckin' movie messiah. From his days working behind the counter at Video Archives in California, to his successful directing career, Quentin Tarantino, proclaimed the 'King of Pulp', has ripped off, or, as he likes to put it, stolen (I guess the budget of the film being 'stolen' from decides whether said theft is a misdemeanor or a felony) scenes and dialog from a shit load of movies over the last twenty some odd years. After much anticipation, KILL BILL was the first film of his I saw in the theater. Like other motion picture vomit such as HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES (2003) and the American GODZILLA (1998), I had to see it twice to verify that what I had witnessed was as shit-tastic as I had originally thought.

I'll get to that flick later. This is basically a rant about the QTmeister that I've been holding in for far too long and it's egging to get out like one o' them chest-bursters in ALIEN. See what I did there? Egg? Alien? Fuck it. I'm gonna go over the man's movies divulging what I honestly think of them noting what I like, and a whole lotta what I don't like. Rip offs, homages, whatever you wanna call it, this is strictly my opinion and nothing more.

I think he's done some great work, but since KILL BILL...PLEASE! came out, his movies have pretty much lost focus paying far more egocentric lip service to the man's own "Look what I can do!" writing ability as opposed to paying any sort of tribute to the films he constantly rattles on about with that machine gun he calls a mouth. Basically, I am exorcising my QT demons here because the power of the movies he rapes compels me.

CHAPTER 1: IN THE BEGINNING, TARANTINO CREATED THE MOTION PICTURE UNIVERSE

"I was always talked about for my first two films like I was some sort of flash in the pan. But then I went from flavor of the month, to flavor of the year, to flavor of the decade."--QT during a Telegraph interview that features an entire paragraph where the interviewer descriptively and disturbingly makes love to the man.

I first heard about this guy named Quentin Tarantino in a Fangoria article that was heapin' all kinds of praise on this funny titled movie called RESERVOIR DOGS, a film that was causing a stir back in the early 90s. They kept goin' on and on about violence in the film, particularly a scene involving a bound and gagged cop, a suit wearing psycho with a blade and an ear that was about to be severed off. Nothing was shown, mind you, but the tone of the scene was what was making folks uneasy. At that time in my life, if Fango was giving it their seal of approval, I just had to see it.

I must admit, I was pretty well blown away by this movie at the time. It oozed Kool (a word that was ever so quickly to become closely associated with the subject of this article) in nearly every scene and had a lot of choice dialog exchanges. Dialog and the words Quentin Tarantino would rapidly form a symbiotic relationship that ultimately mutated into an annoyingly self-indulgent ego rampage as wild and unfettered as any number of Jack Hill movies the man freely pilfered from. In short, in Q Baby's world, it's the Chatter that Matters.

"Alright Ramblers, let's get Ramblin'!"

In what seemed like an over-night occurrence, QT became the critics darling and the new 'IT' director to a growing legion of fans. Many of these fans obsessed over his works to a parasitic degree displaying an irritating level of adoration praising the man to high heaven. Shamefully, I was one of them!

From a personal perspective, these fans generally fall into two camps--those who are unhealthily fascinated by the recurring themes of drug abuse in his scripts; or those who slobber over the cult film references that erupt every few seconds in his movies with a rapidity matched only by the shrill elucidation of listening to Q babble on as if that particular conversation is his last on earth. That latter camp is especially noteworthy in a "Let me get my flyswatter to squash these annoying ass bugs" sort of way. I'll explain that later, too, when I get to G****HOUSE (2007). I was in the latter camp, by the way.


Admittedly, I was awestruck by Q at this point, and even more so after picking up a copy of a then new book about him entitled KING PULP: THE WILD WORLD OF QUENTIN TARANTINO back in the mid 90s. The book is chock full o' anecdotes and essays about his films and his influences.

The brief write up on The One's love for Sonny Chiba (he even weaved some of that Chiba lust into his script for TRUE ROMANCE) and that iconic STREET FIGHTER photo demanded I plunk down the $14.95 for the 160 page book. I didn't need to see, nor read further. That Chiba was showcased within those pages was enough for me. Reading it I realized I liked all the same genres and actors and other such fan geek gushings as the 'King of Kool' had claimed to be infatuated with for much of his life. This was my major attraction to the work of this filmmaker with whom my disappointment would grow and fester in the ensuing years.

CHAPTER 2: PULP MALEDICTION--GETTIN' MEDIEVAL ON A BAD MUTHAFUCKA

"There are only two kinds of people in the world, Mayonnaise people and Miracle Whip people. Now Mayonnaise people can like Miracle Whip and Miracle Whip people can like Mayonnaise, but nobody likes them both equally. Somewhere you have to make a choice. And that choice, tells you who you are."--Old Venoms5 proverb

PULP FICTION arrived in 1994 and really was the turning point for QT and arguably where he became far more braggadocios than was normally allowed of the average human. It was also here where he was noted for bringing once hugely popular careers back from the dead, yielding yet another attribute for the Tarantinosaurus to gloat about. That a plump, noticeably rotund John Travolta was returning to the screen in a big way as hitman Vincent Vega got this picture a good deal of media publicity; never mind that his LOOK WHO'S TALKING series (between '89 and '93) was a big financial success.

Hell, his obscure flick, THE EXPERTS (1989), was the film where he met his wife, the drop dead gorgeous Kelly Preston. As much as the dance scene in T Bone's tale of PULPy FICTION between Travolta and Thurman got a lot of notice, Travolta had already revisited his SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER (1977) days in THE EXPERTS. In that movie, Travolta and Preston pretty much have sex on the dance floor backed by Club Nouveau's cover of 'Lean On Me'. Preston is dynamite in that film, by the way.

PULP FICTION was a crowded landscape of filmic references of pictures from years past and a script device QT would pile layer upon layer in subsequent movies like a Scooby and Shaggy shit sandwich.

"The Japanese Fox was a kung fu master..."--I bet that one got Ric Meyers all a tingle!

Most famous of these PULP references would likely be the biblical speech maddeningly proclaimed by a wild eyed Samuel L. Jackson prior to blowing away his intended victims. This speech (uttered close to the beginning) was lifted from the US version of Sonny Chiba's BODYGUARD KIBA (1973), which was released here in a dubbed version in 1976 as THE BODYGUARD. This one has seriously been blown out of proportion. It's nice that T-Bone wants to keep Chiba in the public eye and all, but the man famous for breaking bones and ripping away genitalia with his bare hands never says that Ezekiel 25:17 passage. That was added to the opening crawl of the US version of THE BODYGUARD.

The closest Chiba ever got to saying anything remotely similar was on his popular Japanese show KAGE NO GUNDAN (known here as SHADOW WARRIORS).

In that show, when the corrupt officials, vicious swordsmen, or black arts practitioners were about to have their wardrobe re-fitted, Chiba would sternly reiterate the previous 45 minutes of evil perpetrated on innocent lives and would let these guys (and sometimes gals) know just where he was about to send them.

Chiba also philosophized in the best "I'm a fuck you up" fashion during the opening credits of his uber classic TV series THE YAGYU CLAN CONSPIRACY. There will be much more regarding Chiba when I get to the KILL BILL crapola.

"That's pride fuckin' with you. FUCK PRIDE!"


A lot of folks have stated that his pairing of Travolta and Jackson as the two man hit squad, Vinnie and Jules respectively, was inspired by a similar pairing of Henry Silva and Woody Strode from Fernando Di Leo's MANHUNT (1972).

While that may be true and all, it's almost uncanny that the stone cold, jive-talkin' duo of hitmen in 1973's BONNIE'S KIDS (played by Alex Rocco and Timothy Brown) bears a lot more in common with the T man's PULP tale of FICTION.



There's also a disco scene with sexy Tiffany Bolling and hunky Steve Sandor that recalls the one with Uma Thurman and John Travolta. Considering how huge a fan T Bone is of Arthur Marks, it seems it might be more than a coincidence. But then, this sort of thievery (well, those were the man's words!) makes one an artist of greatness. More PULP-US FICTION-US in Chapter three.

TO BE CONTINUED IN
PART MUTHAFUCKIN' 2....

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